WARNING: TRANSPARENT, UNFILTERED WORDS
There’s a saying and principle in the worlds of neurology and psychology: Neurons that fire together, wire together.
Beating Yourself Down Inhibits Growth
“Shit. Again?”
This scene has played out too many times: Make the best omelet ever. Ok, let’s say it’s a half-decent one with red and green peppers, spinach, pepper jack cheese, and plenty of salt since I have POTS. Slide it onto my plate. Looks perfect. Carry my plate three feet. Fling the plate. Ceramic shatters. Eggs splatter.
I consider eating that part of the omelet that has no broken ceramic near it. That’s ridiculous… I’m hungry, haven’t yet had coffee, so the debate to eat eggs with potential ceramic shards continues for a few seconds. It’s foolish, so I start the cleanup. While I clean up, irrational thoughts crisscross in my brain, “I probably could have eaten that.”
Two of my neurologists and a few other providers in neurology said the same thing to me:
“Be kind to yourself.”
Yeah, ok. That’s cute. What’s the real advice?
“That is the advice.”
What I say—even think—next makes a difference in how I’ve been taught to rewire my brain. Please keep in mind, I’ve had this struggle for eight years. Early on, I had some deep and raw responses. I’ve said them, or thought them, or both:
“How infuriating! Making breakfast shouldn’t be that hard.”
“I’m doomed. Will I need to clean up spills every day for the rest of my life?”
“My coordination skills suck. It feels like I’m getting worse.”
Everybody drops things. When it becomes part of your daily routine, it gets old.
I’ve shared stories like that and others with my neurologist in movement disorders at Cleveland Clinic. One treatment option—preferred over medication—is neurological physical therapy, occupational and speech therapy, which I’ve done several times. I’m in therapy again now. All of my neurologists stress the importance of resistance training, which I’ll share more another time.
I’ve written many times about living with movement disorders. They are a result of anoxic brain injury, caused by cardiac arrest. Who knew that not breathing for 11 minutes could cause such devastation? Apparently, everybody. Surviving it is an entirely different story than knowing facts.
Be Kind to Yourself
Aside from medical treatments, my neurologists have stressed, “Be kind to yourself.”
The first time I heard that, I smiled and said, “Ok… Thanks.”
“No,” my neurologist said, “I’m not giving you a fluffy, feel good statement. I’m giving you medical advice that will help retrain and rewire your brain!”
If I ever wanted to respond with, “Huh?” It was then. I probably did.
What I learned was that every time I dropped something, and then spoke negative words like, “My coordination skills suck,” two things fired together: an attempt to carry something, plus the message that my coordination skills suck. Those two things then wired together, so that the next time I wanted to carry something, it sent a signal to the brain: “You want to carry a plate? Your coordination skills suck, remember? Time to drop the plate again.”
Spin Cycle
It’s been described as a closed road. That pattern of dropping something, reinforced by negative words, prevents that road from ever leading to carrying something without dropping it. Speaking negative words with every dropped item creates a well-traveled road. That road always leads to failure: Drop something. Say negative words. Try again. Repeat. It’s a sad but powerful cycle.
I was stuck in a cycle: I’d try, fail, criticize myself for failing, and then repeat. The criticism, whether spoken, or even just thought, tells the brain to try that action again, and when you do, to fail again.
It’s something coaches of kids’ teams might want to think about. One of my therapists said there’s a reason you only get three tries to hit a ball with a bat. Making a kid swing for the twentieth time when they’ve missed 19 times trains their brain to keep missing. It’s best to give the kid a break and let them be successful at something else, like catching a ball, or organizing equipment. The same is true when we speak negative words over ourselves. It reinforces failure.
New Words. New Roads.
I can’t eliminate unwanted movements, but I can work to reduce them. To achieve that, I need to create new neural pathways, and the start of that is with speaking positive words. I’ve had to train myself to change the words I speak. It’s a hard discipline.
Disciplined people will appreciate the challenge of controlling their tongue. We all know those who wake up early, work out, and move mountains before the rest of the world wakes up. Yet, they can’t seem to control the words that come out of their mouth. How many celebrities have had to apologize for what they said on social media? I’m not pointing fingers. My mouth got me into more trouble when I was young, to the point where total strangers would stop to reprimand me. I’ve tasted many bars of soap. Some are more pleasant than others.
Regardless of your faith, you can take some relief here—even ancient scripture shows this is difficult, but not impossible. “People can tame all kinds of animals, birds, reptiles, and fish, but no one can tame the tongue. It is restless and evil, full of deadly poison.” — Book of James, chapter 3, verses 7-8.
When I drop my breakfast, instead of saying, “I suck at this,” I now say one or more positive things: “I’ve overcome a pile of garbage thrown at me. I’m stronger than I was before because of it. Dropping this dish has no effect on my life, or even my day. I’m thankful I’m capable of making myself breakfast. I have enough food that losing this doesn’t affect me like it does poor people across the globe. Most people will only read about the things I’ve overcome. I’m crushing it more often than I fail! I’m an overcomer.”
Magic? No. Fluff? No. Effective? Yes. Like working out with weights, I don’t see instant results. I have seen improvements over time.
Different Destiny
I’ve written about my relationship with GPS. Everyone understands that some roads lead you to beautiful places, and other roads lead to more dirt roads. Speaking different words—positive words—creates new roads that lead to better places. What I speak has influence on my destiny.
I didn’t come up with this concept. An ancient proverb states that words have the power of life and death.
“Words kill, words give life; they’re either poison or fruit—you choose.” — Proverbs 18:21, The Message
Don’t Take My Word for It
I’m a compliant patient for many reasons. The main reason is that I have numerous conditions, so I need all the help I can get. Anyone who knows me believes I’m not flattering myself here, only sharing what my doctors have said. One neurologist has told me on every visit that it’s refreshing to have a patient who follows his advice. It’s encouraging for him to see that his treatment is working. He gets to see a patient’s life improve, which is why doctors work hard to be in the medical field.
The words we speak matter. We can create new habits that fire together. Words have the power to rewire our brain. I have obvious reasons my brain needs to be rewired. I happen to think everyone could benefit from having their brain rewired. Struggle is part of life. I talk to struggling people who are stuck. There’s no criticism there. I’ve been stuck more than most.
Think about the words that come out of your mouth… not the kind that got you soap in your mouth. I’m talking about the kind where you say your ideas are always rejected, or despite your blood, sweat and tears, career doors never open for you. The next time your ceramic shatters and your eggs splatter, maybe it’s time to say out loud, “I’m an overcomer.”
Be kind to yourself. I’m proof it works.
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